All the Little Secrets by D. Thrush

Author:D. Thrush [Thrush, D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-12-31T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 22

“Brad,” I say from the chair in the bedroom where I’ve just put on my shoes. I’d spent a sleepless night beside him staring at the slivers of light from the full moon on the wall as I’d sunk deeper into a murky well of despair.

How many other women have sat in this very chair putting on their shoes? I will not cry. I blink as Coco thumps her tail. I go let her out and meander through the silent house with just the ticking of the wall clock in the kitchen. I pause in the doorway of his office and see the little house I’d bought him for his birthday sitting beside the landline. I never leave anything at his house, not even a toothbrush, so there’s nothing to gather. I return to the bedroom before I lose my resolve.

“Brad,” I say sharply.

“Huh?” He lifts his head.

“I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Okay.” He turns over.

“Brad!”

“What?” he asks with irritation. He sits up and rubs his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? I want to scream at him.

“I… I’m going home.”

“Okay.” He yawns.

“I… I don’t think we should see each other anymore… I can’t…”

“What are you saying, V?” He jumps out of bed and approaches me in his boxers.

I back up and hit the doorjamb. “I can’t do this, Brad…” I shake my head.

“Don’t say that, Vera. Don’t say that.”

He suddenly grabs me and kisses me hard and then wraps his arms around me in a bear hug. I’m startled and stagger backwards through the doorway into the hall while he clutches me tightly. He’s never shown such spontaneous emotions with me, except for that one intense evening weeks ago. The thought of losing me must’ve set something off in him.

“Don’t go like this, V,” he murmurs in my ear. “Please. Don’t leave like this. You know how I feel about you.”

I think I do know. I think I know better than he does. Why can’t he say it? His parents did this to him. They raised him to be stoic, to be detached, to stuff his feelings way down where they were no longer accessible. I’m sure that’s why he can’t express himself. It’s not his fault.

He releases me from his tight embrace and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Be rational,” he says softly gazing into my eyes.

“Brad, you should know this,” I say with a shaky voice. “I love you and I can’t do this anymore.”

I pull away and push around him to grab my purse.

“Don’t be hasty, Vera,” he admonishes blocking my exit. “I’ll call you during the week, and we’ll talk about this more. Okay?”

“Don’t call me, Brad, unless you only want to see me.” I brush past him.

I let Coco back in so I can open the gate. I glance over my shoulder to see if Brad has followed me. He hasn’t.

Once I’ve driven down the street, I pull over. I’d been holding in my tears for so long, I expect a deluge, but I’m numb and no tears come.

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